My Daily Routine

The day is divided into three important sections: the all-important mealtime, walking/exercising and everything else.

4.30/5.00 AM

My day starts a little earlier than others as my master has this annoying habit of walking me very early in the morning. This is because he assumes that I wouldn’t be in a position to ogle or tease the other beautiful women (bitches) on the street. Unfortunately for him – I make most women go weak in the knees. They wait for me even at this unearthly hour.
I’m like the AXE ad (deodorant) – women fall all over me – though I don’t use AXE.

Couple of advantages of the early morning walk – escape the Mumbai heat, pollution, crowd, sound and traffic.
The next advantage is – updating myself on the daily news. The street is a large newspaper for me – it updates me on the latest warnings, news, new dating possibilities, etc, etc. As it is very early in the morning, I’m normally one of the first to get the news.

The walk is for around an hour – 2-3 miles.


6.30/7.00 AM

Back home and time for a small wash-up and grooming session. The most practical way to get dry is to shake violently near a fully clothed person. A second effective method is to stand on a light-colored piece of furniture.
Just because there does not seem to be anything visible around to eat certainly does not mean there is nothing around to eat. The act of staring at the underside of a table or chair on which someone else is eating sets in motion a chain of events that eventually results in food.
So a light breakfast follows (1/2 a kilo of packaged food)

7.30 AM
Any time that is not meal/exercise time is potentially nap time. The best time to take a nap is when you hear your name being called repeatedly. The best location for a nap is dead center of the room. The most relaxing position is on your back, all four limbs parallel.

11.00 AM
Meal time (Lunch) at last.

If you really see something you want, and all your other attempts at getting it have failed, it is only right to grovel shamelessly. As a second tactic, stare intently at the object of your desire, allowing long gelatinous drools to leak like icicles from your lower lip.

When you actually receive a meal, submerge your head into it as you would in a shower. Never, never look up again until a minimum of at least fifteen minutes after the obvious food is gone. This is important. Just because your dish is empty does not mean that it is time to stop eating.

When it comes to selecting an appropriate beverage, location and packaging mean nothing. There are absolutely no exceptions to this rule.


11.30 AM
TV time followed by Nap time again



3.30 PM
At the first hint of any irregular noise, run from room to room barking loudly. If someone actually comes into the house, rush over to them whether you know them or not. Then kiss them so violently that they lose their balance or have to force you away physically.
A short bathroom break follows at 4.00 PM.

4.30 PM
Recreation and Leisure

Ball: There are two equally amusing sets of rules you will want to know.
1. The Common Form, in which you receive a thrown ball and return it.
2. The Preferred Form, in which you receive a thrown ball and eat it.

7.00 PM
Dinner Time

Remember that all food is potentially yours up until the time that it is actually swallowed by another. The lengthy path a piece of food will take from a plate to a mouth via a hand is as good a time as any to stake your claim to it.


9.30 PM
An after dinners walk for 20-25 minutes, where I try to hook up all the possible women for the next morning party.

10.30 PM
Elongated nap time where in I dream about all the possible future encounters with hot women.